Holistic Life Coach for Single Parents, Co-Parenting Families & Teens

My kids did it all: soccer, swimming, art school, yoga, more soccer, horseback riding, music school, Spanish, karate, and yet more soccer. I took pride in their busy schedules, feeling good that I could afford all these activities and that my kids were somehow special for doing them all.

DO-ing was a big deal for me, conditioned from the very start, the same way my parents were conditioned in their childhood, I expected my kids to do the same, seeing it as a sign of being good and thus deserving of love from the world.

• “She’s sleeping through the night,” I’d proudly tell the pediatrician.
• “He’s so good, already crawling.”
• “Oh, yes, she eats everything.”
• “She understands and speaks both languages.”
• “He counts to ten.”
• “She dresses herself.”

I learned to value myself for all I did, but is it not enough to just BE?

Our babies are born perfect and worthy of love.

Remember the feeling during that first week? You expect nothing, want nothing, just ensuring your child is comfortable and loved. Then, at 1.5 weeks, we’re off to “salsa with babies.” A month later, planning playdates. Each pediatrician visit feels like filling out a success form to see if you’re meeting expectations.

Sign language, developmental toys, organic everything, fancy baby gear—all marketed to make us moms feel like we’re DO-ing good.

I’m going to say something controversial, and it might be hard to digest, but here it goes: bathing isn’t a daily necessity. Your baby will be just fine with a bath every three to four days, breathe. And get this— breastfed babies can go up to a week without a poop unless they’re fussy. Yes, you heard that right: a whole week.

Clothing, swaddling, and other coverings are optional if it’s above 72 degrees. My two May-born kids wore just diapers until September.

This over-buying, over-giving, over-stimulating madness starts at the beginning, and social media doesn’t help. There are endless shopping lists, baby registry ideas, and mom recommendations. Honestly, it’s overwhelming. I don’t see anyone saying that all you need as a new mom is:

• A pair of comfortable PJs because that’s all you’ll be wearing for weeks (joking, or maybe years, haha).
• Two sleepers for the baby, preferably with zippers to avoid button fatigue.
• A wrap to carry your baby if that’s your thing.
• A couple of blankets for burping and laying the baby down.
• Diapers.
• A beautiful coffee mug to brighten your mornings. Optional

The rest can be acquired as needed once the baby arrives. If you’re not breastfeeding, you’ll need a bottle or two at most. Even a stroller isn’t essential for bringing the baby home. I bought mine with my second-born on the third day, when we needed to go to a birthday party and had nowhere to put him. I went to the baby store with my son in a diaper and T-shirt, hanging on my arm, and asked for an assembled stroller, because I needed one right then.

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Babies are not as complicated as advertised.
But if we don’t fall for the idea that we need everything for our newborn, it’s harder to sell us all the extra extras later on. That’s why marketing experts try to get us right out of bed—before the sperm even meets the egg!

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I pulled my kids out of all their extra activities a while ago. Now, I focus on communication and free time. I do get tense sometimes as society pulls in a different direction, but I no longer buy into DO-ing. I practice and learn from my kids to BE.

With empathy and acceptance,

Kat Parenting the best way I know—just like you.